Miss Lulu and I went for a walk. We walked down the alley toward the yard of a doggie family. The family consisted of two wee dogs, a basshole, excuse me basset hound and a black and tan half grown coonhound pup. As we approached their yard, the wee dogs and the black and tan coonhound ran full steam ahead toward the fence. I could see the basset hanging behind thinking,”well should I or shouldn’t I take part in this production”… he decided on the latter. He set forth with a half hearted jog to the fence and contributed a bark. Miss Lulu being quite above such things, paid no mind to those uncouth heathens, she had a mission. She had things to sniff and places to pee.
In the meantime the black and tan, a gangly, bouncy, let’s jump and bounce like Tigger sort of older puppy, became increasingly excited. In fact he began bouncing so hard he bounced over the fence. He seemed quite surprised by his magical appearance on my side of the fence. Startled he stopped and looked back at his friends behind the fence and then at us. I kept walking thinking ok, perhaps he will realize he is free and run in the opposite direction. Ah but no, Miss Lulu had caught his attention.
It was then that Mr. Bouncy Dog made a serious error in judgement. That was when Miss Lulu’s walk was interrupted. This was a very bad thing indeed, as no one interrupts the evening constitutional. Nothing good could come of this I thought.
Mr. Bouncy Dog came barreling toward us, his face was radiant, full of wild abandon and pure happiness.Those emotions were short lived. Once he had arrived at Miss Lulu face, his happy bouncy demeanor changed into one of befuddled confusion. Why was this little dog not bouncy?
Miss Lulu was displeased…very displeased. Poor sweet, innocent Mr. Bouncy Dog. Obviously his little dogs were kind and gentle and loved him. They no doubt licked him and played with him, perhaps they even shared food with him. Surprise Mr. Bouncy Dog… for thou have met Miss Lulu.
He peered into her face quizzically, he had just wanted a sniff. Miss Lulu stared at him. Then Mr. Bouncy Dog began bouncing around in circles. Bounce, bounce, bounce, floppy ears flapping and long legs moving like Bambi on an icy pond. Such a lack of decorum immediately struck Miss Lulu as brash and insolent. One does not rush up on those who hold a higher social station, and one certainly does not bounce around in such a manner.
That’s when I saw it start to happen, the countdown to the first stage of tasmanian devil mode had been initiated. The stiffening of the legs, rigid pose of the body and dead eye stare were fully engaged. Mr. Bouncy continued to bounce. Stage 2 was initiated. Snarls, snapping and lunging began…poor, poor Mr. Bouncy, he stopped bouncing and stared he was so shocked.
It should be noted that historically, interventions of some sort are prudent and should be taken before Stage 3 of tasmanian devil mode begins. However, such interventions come with some risk to the well being of human appendages, (usually mine). For when this point has been reached, there is no coaxing or reasoning to be had. One does not de-escalate the mighty fury of Miss Lulu. The only option was a bodily removal from the situation.
Thankfully Miss Lulu had on her harness. This would allow me a better chance of thwarting her mania before it had reached full tilt. I decided to employ a move that I call the swing and fly. I had practiced and used this move in the past with some success. It requires one to dodge in, grab the psychotic dog by the harness, and in a fluid motion swoop her up into the air and hold her above ones head.
A successful swing and fly was performed. Miss Lulu writhed around to glare down at Mr. Bouncy. As I held her squirming little football shaped self above my head Mr. Bouncy’s human came running from his yard shouting at his dog, and shouting to me, “He won’t hurt her…he won’t hurt her!” I managed to yell back, “It isn’t him hurting her that I am worried about, she wants to hurt him!” Apparently Mr. Bouncys human did not see the pink harnessed tasmanian devil dog whirling above my head.
As we were yelling to each other, Mr. Bouncy turned and saw his human running towards him. He looked at his human, he looked back at Miss Lulu and then turned and looked down the alley. In that split second Mr. Bouncy realized he was free, free to bounce and bounce. As he bounced down the alley (thankfully in the opposite direction of where we were going) his poor human began chasing him, all the while yelling apologies to me.
Unbeknownst to either Mr. Bouncys human or myself, we had had an audience. As this whole drama was unfolding a car had pulled into the alley. The folks inside had kindly pulled over and stopped and were having a good laugh at our circumstances. I began to laugh too and walked with Boston Terrier held high for another few steps and then set her down upon the ground. Without stopping and without missing a beat and like absolutely nothing had happened Miss Lulu resumed her walk right where she left off…after all she had things to sniff and places to pee.